EMO POST ALERT.
You have been warned.

I'm so friggin frustrated today. What's wrong with me? Breaking down during training, it's so stupid. But I have my reasons. None of which are what the BDF thinks it is. So I don't really want to tell people what it is today their face because I just start tearing up everytime someone asks me about it and tries to comfort me, being the crybaby that I am. It's sorted out pretty much into a few points.

1. Competition is in what, 2 weeks? Training today, I played like shit. I miss shots totally, and if I do come into contact with the shuttle, most of the time it goes into the net. I can't sustain a rally and it gets even worse when my partner was working her butt off trying to keep the rally going and with one stupid, careless shot it just goes straight into the net. If that's really my standard, I really don't think I'm ready to go for competition. Right now, as I look at it, I don't see a place in the seven for me anyway. SY's with Joellyn now, Antje can go with Pei Fen OR Wen Hui, and obviously I can't be put down for singles because that'll be like giving the point to the opponent. But anyway, I don't think I deserve to be in the 7.

2. Why the heck did you people choose me as vice-captain?
I'm not all-rounded like SY.
I'm not strong like Joellyn.
I'm not determined like PF.
I'm not fast around the court like Sa.
I'm not hardworking like Wen Hui and Antje.
Yeah, so I'm supposed to be "responsible". But to be a vice-captain it has to be more than just responsibility. You have to know the sport well, be able to motivate others by loving the sport so much yourself, set examples for others, step forward for extra training. If that was a checklist, it would look awfully blank. I KNOW for one that I'm not the best candidate for being vice-captain and since I've become one, I've been enjoying badminton a lot less.

3. The LAST thing I wanted was for wong to talk to me, because it'd just make me feel even worse inside and I'd have that very hate type of feeling inside. But she did. She kept saying, "what are you lacking of? Strength, power." Like I don't already know that! But now a days, even my netting, which is supposed to be my best doesn't even go over. If that's my best, I'd just love to see my worse. What's more, she also kept saying "You have to put your preference first" Who is she to ASSUME that badminton is my number one, just like her? Well GUESS WHAT. It isn't. It's not the same for me anymore. I used to enjoy it in primary school because there was no stress and I would be able to wake up on a Sunday morning and think to myself,"let's go for training!" But now? I can hardly bring myself to wake up and training is such a chore. I know I'm not up to standard, but I just don't seem to have the same love as I did have for badminton last time and that's what's holding me back from trainig harder and trying to improve.

I feel there's more, but I just can't remember it all now. My life is reaching and all-time low, and I KNOW it'll get better, it's just that I really can't see the end of the tunnel right now.

I really want to be in 15slc OT. Other people seem to know something about it, but I don't. And if I do happen to be so lucky as to get in, I'm going to have to manage my time freaking well. wong will OBVIOUSLY disapprove, but you know what, I don't care. Ever since 14slc ended I kept telling myself that I was going to be part of the OT the next year. But then there's SC-MUN too. Which I have no idea about right now, and will probably take up a lot of time too. Then there's investiture. At least that one ends this month. Don't get me wrong, I love investiture to bits, but I need to get one more thing of my load.

Oh yes, my dad refuses to get me a new phone. And oh look, he bought himself a gorgeous iPhone and my sister a new handphone too.